Moment :-)

There are things I am very confuse about will emerge out of nowhere from time to time... And I seem to be encountering one particularly confusing issue here~

I believe that if you are in love with a person... it happens in a moment... a moment that makes everything you see about him became magical... good... And makes you feel absolutely vulnerable but you don't care...

I was asked something yesterday and it's a question that I was expecting but with no answer still... if I were to jump again... I need to be sure... jumping into the valley of love is not exactly easy for me anymore but I do believe that there will have this moment where I just know that I love him...

L is a great guy with so much potential and fire in him... his passion in work and determination for success is what made him so attractive to me but also because of this... sense of security with him is unstable... probably have something to do with his financial stability or something like that... But apart from this... I feel more positivity and more alive when I am with him... maybe I just need to see him and really let him pampered me to have that moment...

P.S. When a moment like that comes, I won't be hesitate to show it =)

Start over~

For those who knows me, it is evidence that my love life is a mess~ haha 😅

Well... I decided to kept on trying though~ and this time, he is L... The initial happens to be one of my favourite character as well from death note... haha~ 😄

I always knew that I am not the girl that any guy can accept 😧 but just like any other girls, we don't really know what we want until we met what we don't want... haha~ so here goes~

1. I like public display of affection~
2. I like calm and logic guys~
3. I like guys that dare to have me beside him all the time, not literary,  just my name on key chains,  my identity infront of friends~^^
4. I love couple shirts and I like necklace that have initials of both of us~
5. Birthday and valentine day is important, at least have to remember and let me see that you care~
6. I like suprise gift, especially those that are custom made or hand made because to me, it says you are my one and only~
7. I like to know what you are doing. .. so a simple message will do^^ I am not that clingy so I really don't need to meet all the time^^

Cancer and lost game of lee zhong wei on national day~

I have no idea which is more depressing~ = ( The fact that Datuk Lee lost this badminton match on national day which make a lot of my coleagues lost their whole month salary... Some even lost everything!!! OR the fact that I just found out one of my friend, B, got throat cancer and is coughing blood constantly~ ><

What is wrong with today?!?!?! X(
I hate gamblers that have no sense of control!!! Why can't they just use their brain and do something useful with their money or simply just save it up?!?!?!

However, now that I think about it... I got my answer, cancer is more depressing... T-T
I have absolutely zero clue on what to say then I can't tell anyone else =_= I wish I could just shout at my friends and said... HE IS DYING!!! PLS SOMEBODY HELP HIM!!!

"L, you can't just walk towards B and care about him and suddenly become brothers to him after knowing him for a month~"
I can't even tell L that because he was just being nice and trying to show that he cares, but from the same action,  I think he is killing B faster than the cancer~ ><

I am feeling absolutely useless and guilty  right now and again.... I do feel like if I have more guts in me to say what's on my mind.. my life will be so much easier~ = (
If you are there GOD,  please guide me!!!

Graduation~

Well... last week I had my graduation, I was happy about the fact that I never have to go back utar again... haha~ so I guess taking Master in the near future is out of the question~ XP
During my graduation... Some friends travel from another states just to see me~ I am very very grateful and hope that someday, I can find someone worthy enough for me to do the same~ =)As for love life, I found out that being single is not a problem but staying as one is, I can't seem to stay single long enough to see a clear picture, so basically I am giving them a probation period~ Hoping that one of them may actually pass with a distinction or get terminated~ (obviously I am very rusty in dating and also very tired of it) ><

Well... no pain no gain so... go train some 6 packs or improve some English skills or maybe increase some income~ whichever you think is going to catch my attention,  do it~~ ^^

Favourite coleague^^

I like one of my coleagues a lot~ She is not the easy to know type but once you get to know her, she is the type of friend that you are glad to have =)

Hehe,  she doesn't show that she cares... but she will help when you needed it and when she jokes,  she is very serious.... hahahaha XD and when she smiles, she is actually very beautiful,  just that she doesn't do that often and give ppl a very ice cold feel~ ><
Sometimes I feel like her straightforward personality is what got her into trouble~ but it is also because of this personality, I find her very special~

Just now we went out to eat and she told me quite a lot of things, for the first time in this company,  I actually feel like this is what I should know and what I should feel when talking to a coleague =D

I wish that I can be friends with her instead of just coleagues, but then again,  I think we are already friends^^

Observe and see~

Yesterday I notice that I have a weird interest in looking at guys moving stuff here and there~ haha~ Probably have something to do with the word "macho"^^ I guess in my mind, I always have this idea of guys should be macho and doing things that requires streghth or power~ XP

There are 4 new known guys from work and they are good ppl^^ And one of them is especially nice and he makes me feel like I belong again =D The simple gesture (as he said) of bringing me out to lunch and meet with his friends is heart warming =) I feel so secure and relax ^_^Y
As I said, all I need was just gangs of friends whom I can relate to =)

I got myself sorted out but my lady boss seems to be pretty mess up though~ ><
She was crying in the car and talking to jesus~ If you exist father, I am praying that you help this woman because she really truly believe in you~
I notice that the reason she hang out with a terrible friend is because she doesn't have anyone else to go to, and this makes me realized the reason why terrible ppl also have friends~ Just because their friends have no choice~ =_=lll

Lying to myself~

Today is just like every other day, there are some crazy customers then some stupid ppl coming around and talk crap~ and a friend came by just for me to find him annoyingly boring and ridiculously no topic~ >< I guess some ppl are better when they are typing =_=lll
Then I got praise by a coleague saying that I look beautiful, and everything was good^^

However, here comes the problem, THIS IS ALL A LIE~     I never wanted ppl come finding me alone... because it's very tired to kept thinking what to say and I hate it especially when it is a guy, because it feels like I am being evaluated from every expression I make and every word I say~

And I am a 24 years old girl, why would I feel happy about being find attractive by a 48 years old single uncle? And what the hell am I suppose to feel when I am hanging out with bitches and old ppl all day long with the topic of furnitures?
I hate my life because I dont have a gang of friends that can mingle... why do you guys always have to meet me alone?!?!?!

I DON'T WANT TO GO THROUGH YOUR EXAM!!!! And I hate myself for not having friends that actually notice that staying home apart from working is NOT A LIFE!!!!! WHY CANT YOU ALL HANG OUT AND INTRODICE ME TO PPL THAT IS NOT TWICE MY AGE?!?!?!? SERIOUSLY, HOW HARD COULD IT BE TO JUST FIND FRIENDS THAT I CAN HAVE BEER WITH!!!!