Commitment issue? Not so much~

I wanna play more and experience more life, then I wanna travel the world, see a lot of things... and I planned all these just for myself~ =)

Well... now that I am 24, I had most of the fun I wanted, experienced enough bumps and failure... then I started to date again, but this time... it's a bit different, it turns out to be more than just dating... I don't know how or why, it just got serious along the way... the funny thing is, I don't feel that fear I used to with him~ XP

My body doesn't reject him, my emotion definitely accepted him, my mind took a little convincing but overall... my life seems to went into this other state without I noticing it, haha~ XD I think this is the state where my older friends was trying to tell me, they said  "you will want to play, wanna experience different things and have different feelings and emotions along the way, but someday, you will wanna settle down and all those plans you have for yourself will become plans you have for 2 ppl then maybe 3 then 4"

I never truly understood what they said until now... and I am not scare anymore... so meeting L parents are not scary... well... a little bit scary thinking if they will like me, but not scary in the way that this is going too serious... because being serious in this relationship seems to be the best choice I have ever made, and I am not even scare that I'll regret it... at least for now, I am going with the flow, because I am liking the flow, and because L might just be the best thing that ever happen to me, I just hope that he won't freak out because I didn't freak out... haha

Next week, next time

The phrase "next week" never gave me a good impression... so does the phrase "next time"

Because they never happen, because when there is no definite time or date... normally it means that there wasn't a time that this answer was actually consider in details~~

When I was a kid, I ask, when is dad coming back? Next week...
But most of the time, it's just a phrase (no big deal now) and I learn not to ask, and learn not to put in hope... because nobody likes disappointment...

A heart can only get disappointed so many times until it learns not to put in any hope at first~ I had learn how to comprehend so please don't make me empty promises and make me hate you... because if you really do care, you will know that it's a form of lying to me... I have grew up knowing when to stop trusting someone, unfortunately nobody is exempted yet...

I understand that ppl say a lot of beautiful words everyday, and I enjoy those words, but to gain my trust, it's certainly not an easy task especially if you are someone who never think that lying is a big deal...

Management~

Sometimes I have this thought of being forever alone for the rest of my life...
Because the spouse that I wanted doesn't exist, sigh... :-(

There are times where I think it would be easier if I own a car... but if I think about the core problem, that's not the case... even if I have a car to drive around, every time if my partner is not around then I go find somebody else accompany me... basically the situation is telling me he is replaceable...

I don't like waiting for ppl... I don't like guys that ask me things without giving me at least a suggestion...especially when the decision is base on your timing not mine... and I severely dislike the fact that I am told something last minutes where I could have made other plans...

I am a very complicated person because what I wanted is simple, and yet ppl kept failing miserably at it...
I just wanted someone that take time to know me... and have a good management skill... what is wrong with telling me a schedule so that I know how to settle my own lunch time? Or the main problem is actually not knowing that I need to eat lunch... maybe the worst scenario is not caring enough to think that I need to eat lunch...

I can handle my own stuff but how am I suppose to manage when I spend all my time just waiting for a response or waiting for some absolute craps where it can be avoided if you could just have a little better management skills in personal life...

I am an independent person but I do need to know stuff... is it really so hard to notice that I am just like any other girl... when I find a boyfriend... he should be a guardian... or else... what use are you there for me, I could have just pick anyone else or maybe just have any other bunch of friends?

Well... this is one of those time where I simply wanted to find a place to spill my thoughts then forget about everything because my mind can't comprehend with another person's life....

Please Lord... give me the will to comprehend, give me the wisdom to understand, most of all, give me the courage to try to make this work... because I am really lost right now not knowing what is there to hope for...

Graduation~

Well... last week I had my graduation, I was happy about the fact that I never have to go back utar again... haha~ so I guess taking Master in the near future is out of the question~ XP
During my graduation... Some friends travel from another states just to see me~ I am very very grateful and hope that someday, I can find someone worthy enough for me to do the same~ =)As for love life, I found out that being single is not a problem but staying as one is, I can't seem to stay single long enough to see a clear picture, so basically I am giving them a probation period~ Hoping that one of them may actually pass with a distinction or get terminated~ (obviously I am very rusty in dating and also very tired of it) ><

Well... no pain no gain so... go train some 6 packs or improve some English skills or maybe increase some income~ whichever you think is going to catch my attention,  do it~~ ^^

Favourite coleague^^

I like one of my coleagues a lot~ She is not the easy to know type but once you get to know her, she is the type of friend that you are glad to have =)

Hehe,  she doesn't show that she cares... but she will help when you needed it and when she jokes,  she is very serious.... hahahaha XD and when she smiles, she is actually very beautiful,  just that she doesn't do that often and give ppl a very ice cold feel~ ><
Sometimes I feel like her straightforward personality is what got her into trouble~ but it is also because of this personality, I find her very special~

Just now we went out to eat and she told me quite a lot of things, for the first time in this company,  I actually feel like this is what I should know and what I should feel when talking to a coleague =D

I wish that I can be friends with her instead of just coleagues, but then again,  I think we are already friends^^