Future~^^

Today is a long day, I was in 3 different state, kampar then KL then johor... but somehow I don't feel tired, probably due to having things to do... Haha

I was enjoying my stay in kampar with L, then I was enjoying my time with T, my best friend^^ and now I am enjoying listening to this story of this tb, S...

I kinda miss L from the moment I step away from him... and he reminds me of that little girl I used to be when I was 16 years old, I just enjoy being around him and I can actually see a future with him =)
S reminds me of how I was when I was 16 as well and I like to listen to her stories, haha... she reminds me of the time where I was choosing partners, following feelings and being reckless, I was feeling a little bit old but also felt like a grown up because what she experiencing now is what I experienced b4... Haha

I am seeing a future where I will put my effort in nurturing children, enjoying a simple house with my own design... and my home is where my family is, a family that me and my man built^^

Haha... I am probably thinking a little far, but I do know what kind of future I would want, and this man is capable of making me see it clearer...

Thank you Lord for giving me the chance to see clearer, and when I have kids, I will want them to know you so that they will have a clear and kind path^^

Management~

Sometimes I have this thought of being forever alone for the rest of my life...
Because the spouse that I wanted doesn't exist, sigh... :-(

There are times where I think it would be easier if I own a car... but if I think about the core problem, that's not the case... even if I have a car to drive around, every time if my partner is not around then I go find somebody else accompany me... basically the situation is telling me he is replaceable...

I don't like waiting for ppl... I don't like guys that ask me things without giving me at least a suggestion...especially when the decision is base on your timing not mine... and I severely dislike the fact that I am told something last minutes where I could have made other plans...

I am a very complicated person because what I wanted is simple, and yet ppl kept failing miserably at it...
I just wanted someone that take time to know me... and have a good management skill... what is wrong with telling me a schedule so that I know how to settle my own lunch time? Or the main problem is actually not knowing that I need to eat lunch... maybe the worst scenario is not caring enough to think that I need to eat lunch...

I can handle my own stuff but how am I suppose to manage when I spend all my time just waiting for a response or waiting for some absolute craps where it can be avoided if you could just have a little better management skills in personal life...

I am an independent person but I do need to know stuff... is it really so hard to notice that I am just like any other girl... when I find a boyfriend... he should be a guardian... or else... what use are you there for me, I could have just pick anyone else or maybe just have any other bunch of friends?

Well... this is one of those time where I simply wanted to find a place to spill my thoughts then forget about everything because my mind can't comprehend with another person's life....

Please Lord... give me the will to comprehend, give me the wisdom to understand, most of all, give me the courage to try to make this work... because I am really lost right now not knowing what is there to hope for...

Moment :-)

There are things I am very confuse about will emerge out of nowhere from time to time... And I seem to be encountering one particularly confusing issue here~

I believe that if you are in love with a person... it happens in a moment... a moment that makes everything you see about him became magical... good... And makes you feel absolutely vulnerable but you don't care...

I was asked something yesterday and it's a question that I was expecting but with no answer still... if I were to jump again... I need to be sure... jumping into the valley of love is not exactly easy for me anymore but I do believe that there will have this moment where I just know that I love him...

L is a great guy with so much potential and fire in him... his passion in work and determination for success is what made him so attractive to me but also because of this... sense of security with him is unstable... probably have something to do with his financial stability or something like that... But apart from this... I feel more positivity and more alive when I am with him... maybe I just need to see him and really let him pampered me to have that moment...

P.S. When a moment like that comes, I won't be hesitate to show it =)

Start over~

For those who knows me, it is evidence that my love life is a mess~ haha 😅

Well... I decided to kept on trying though~ and this time, he is L... The initial happens to be one of my favourite character as well from death note... haha~ 😄

I always knew that I am not the girl that any guy can accept 😧 but just like any other girls, we don't really know what we want until we met what we don't want... haha~ so here goes~

1. I like public display of affection~
2. I like calm and logic guys~
3. I like guys that dare to have me beside him all the time, not literary,  just my name on key chains,  my identity infront of friends~^^
4. I love couple shirts and I like necklace that have initials of both of us~
5. Birthday and valentine day is important, at least have to remember and let me see that you care~
6. I like suprise gift, especially those that are custom made or hand made because to me, it says you are my one and only~
7. I like to know what you are doing. .. so a simple message will do^^ I am not that clingy so I really don't need to meet all the time^^

Cancer and lost game of lee zhong wei on national day~

I have no idea which is more depressing~ = ( The fact that Datuk Lee lost this badminton match on national day which make a lot of my coleagues lost their whole month salary... Some even lost everything!!! OR the fact that I just found out one of my friend, B, got throat cancer and is coughing blood constantly~ ><

What is wrong with today?!?!?! X(
I hate gamblers that have no sense of control!!! Why can't they just use their brain and do something useful with their money or simply just save it up?!?!?!

However, now that I think about it... I got my answer, cancer is more depressing... T-T
I have absolutely zero clue on what to say then I can't tell anyone else =_= I wish I could just shout at my friends and said... HE IS DYING!!! PLS SOMEBODY HELP HIM!!!

"L, you can't just walk towards B and care about him and suddenly become brothers to him after knowing him for a month~"
I can't even tell L that because he was just being nice and trying to show that he cares, but from the same action,  I think he is killing B faster than the cancer~ ><

I am feeling absolutely useless and guilty  right now and again.... I do feel like if I have more guts in me to say what's on my mind.. my life will be so much easier~ = (
If you are there GOD,  please guide me!!!

Graduation~

Well... last week I had my graduation, I was happy about the fact that I never have to go back utar again... haha~ so I guess taking Master in the near future is out of the question~ XP
During my graduation... Some friends travel from another states just to see me~ I am very very grateful and hope that someday, I can find someone worthy enough for me to do the same~ =)As for love life, I found out that being single is not a problem but staying as one is, I can't seem to stay single long enough to see a clear picture, so basically I am giving them a probation period~ Hoping that one of them may actually pass with a distinction or get terminated~ (obviously I am very rusty in dating and also very tired of it) ><

Well... no pain no gain so... go train some 6 packs or improve some English skills or maybe increase some income~ whichever you think is going to catch my attention,  do it~~ ^^

Favourite coleague^^

I like one of my coleagues a lot~ She is not the easy to know type but once you get to know her, she is the type of friend that you are glad to have =)

Hehe,  she doesn't show that she cares... but she will help when you needed it and when she jokes,  she is very serious.... hahahaha XD and when she smiles, she is actually very beautiful,  just that she doesn't do that often and give ppl a very ice cold feel~ ><
Sometimes I feel like her straightforward personality is what got her into trouble~ but it is also because of this personality, I find her very special~

Just now we went out to eat and she told me quite a lot of things, for the first time in this company,  I actually feel like this is what I should know and what I should feel when talking to a coleague =D

I wish that I can be friends with her instead of just coleagues, but then again,  I think we are already friends^^