No regrets =)

What a roller coaster ride... I actually thought being nice was a good thing to do...  But obviously I was wrong....  I am so lucky to have good friends and ppl to help me... Ppl are so different...  And that's why I like them...

Same personalities can portray in so many different faces...  And I was so naive to think that simply finding someone to fill that empty space is going to be enough...  But it isn't...  And I learned it the hard way...  Haha...  I guess insanity really have different effects on different ppl... And now that the convenience is out of the way...  I know what I should do...

Anyway...  I was glad that things cleared up finally...  My tactics worked =) I no longer miss him or care about his facebook or hoping that he will be a great guy with a golden heart...  I just accepted the fact that he is just a guy and I can finally tell myself that I am right to let go...   And now I can move on because the guilt is gone and the pain is free...  It might not be a happy ending that I was hoping for...  But it sure did turn into a great ending... 

Who says ppl can't use tactics for good course...  I sure as hell prove them wrong =)

The love... It's gone

Have anyone of you experience this before?  The moments you have before flashes infront of you and you try to save your relationship and then just that one incident or one move happen... Then what you feel is gone...  Like you never love that person before?

Well...  I said that if a conversation is had right now...  He will regret it...  And now actually proves that I was right...  It's gone...  All that love I have for him and all those effort I made to change him and make this relationship work is gone...  Just like that...  The love is gone... 

I no longer feel like wanting to understand all this stuff...  I no longer feel the obligation to make any changes...  I just feel free and happy now...  That feeling is murdered just because he force me to put back on a facebook status...
I wish that I can somehow manage to save this relationship...  But apparently.... What's gone stays gone...  =）

What if?

Sometimes no matter how a person treat you...  You still feel like being with this person just have something to do with your future....  But somehow it have little to do with how you are feeling...

I am so addicted to warm body.. Sweet sense... Nice smile...  Then most of all...  Cute personality...  A mind that have certain similarities with you that I just don't know how to love others things as much...

I still want that fairy tale I heard about when I was 5 years old...  I still feel that when you really love a person...  You will feel like seeing each other... You wanna be noticed... And you feel shy and fluffy when you are with that right person...

What if what I want is a house of my own...  A car of my own...  And just be free to love a person even if no wealth is seen or touched? What if what I want is that butterfly I feel in my stomach?  What if all I want is to protect someone than being protected? What if what I like is really that shy smile I see...  What if that's all I need?  I want that person who can give me that...  I want that person who can make me nervous.... A person who can make me feel shy and make me smile like an idiot?

Raymond "sharky" wong

Raymond wong or a lot of you might know him as "sharky" from dota 2 is a great and kind guy... Well known in this circle as an international professional player~ (pretty cool huh)To be friends with him is a pleasure... I still remember that he introduce me to his friend and the topics we talked about was hilarious... haha =D

And how I trick him into an awkward situation between me and this other guy for lunch... hahahaha... but he was smart enough to notice what was going on... but still willing to stay there for me... I am very grateful for that.... =)
And I know that he is a great guy when he really did take care of my girl when I asked him to as a favor, even when he don't know her =)
It's all this little gesture that counts, and I remembers them~ =)

I don't know you for very long... nor very well... but I do know that the time we know each other is one of those happy and relax moments in life^^
Well... at least dying in your sleep is kinda a peaceful way to go so... rest in peace my friend... and if you can hear my prayers... do know that being friends with you had bring me joy and happiness =)
Maybe someday if I return to god... We might meet again^^ May you have a smooth journey my friend~ =D

Kryptonite, management, forced~

Growing up, dad is not always around... so when he does come back, we clear our plans and schedule just to suit his timing... and my dad have this habit of bringing us to places that is far from home and meet his friends or business pals... and what happened is, my dad will kept talking and we were just sitting there listening to stuff that we have no interest in... for few hours... then when we grew up, he still does the same thing and this is how we learn to fully charge our phones and bring out our power banks...

I always have this thought about why, why did he bring us, then I realized the question I was asking is flawed... because the question that interest me is what did he achieve by bringing us... and things became clear... he doesn't just want us to be involve and know what he is doing, he did this because he doesn't need to feel guilty about not being around us... but what he didn't realized is he is merely lying to himself and we are left with no choice but to sit at a place for hours doing nothing .. then the worst part is... doing nothing actually makes you very tired, and remember when I said places that is far from home just now, well... this created a surviving mechanism of keeping yourself awake even when you are tired, this is why I don't sleep inside cars... because it reminds me of bad memories and I don't feel safe...

I thought I don't like business talk, but turns out that I do... I actually understand it and I find it insightful... I can even have half of my mind doing something else but still decipher what is said, thx to years of training...
What I dislike... no... what I hated was the superb management skill of my dad, the feeling of being forced to stay outside for hours doing nothing and also the time line my dad chooses... GREAT PLAN...

I always said that I don't want any children of mine to grow up the way I did, because I know what trauma it can bring to a person just because you don't know the difference between personal life and work... and also just because you didn't see the importance of details and time management... SO NO!!! I don't ever want to be with someone that doesn't understand this... and the word "management" became my specially designed kryptonite for everyone around me... I can't, I just can't accept the fact that wanting to be rich means that you gave up in living a life... I have seen ppl coming back home and talking about things other than work... or blending in work with their kids in a comfortable ways... IT ONLY TAKE 15 MINUTES OF QUALITY TALK, it can even help you to release stress...

Similarities~ no point~

Today I gave myself a chance to follow L around and see how he is like normally around his friends and colleagues... eventually I notice that he really got a little too much similarities with my dad...

How he spend is similar, how he find food is similar, but the bad part is, how he is making a living also reminds me a lot about my dad... and today, when we were in the car for the whole day, he then go meet a friend which I am totally cool with it, and after that, we go stay in another friend's house for the night, I got to admit that I feel very uneasy about it, I actually feel like I shouldn't have follow him here....

Now only I notice that what I wanted was a simple love, simple life with simple ppl, life is just too short to be with ppl that you are not happy with... and I don't feel happy with him... I know that I like being with him, I know that I love him, but I am just not happy when I am with him... I feel stress, and cautious about what I say and how I think became a question asked a million times a day towards me every time we talk... I don't like staying out long hours talking about stuff that I have no interest in and especially not after a long drive...

Stop asking me not to think and learn about my preference, because I am also a person with low patient.... if after 2 months then you still doesn't know about my preference and still being too focus on other stuff... then I don't see a point of keeping this on...

Movie and a little more

We went for this movie call "don't break my heart 2" just now...
I love the first movie, then when just now I realized that it was the continued episode of it... I was so glad^^ (yes, I don't know what movie was that even after we bought the ticket :-P)

Anyway, I think the movie just confirmed that, all girls will eventually follow what their heart wants... no matter how, you will still choose the one you love the most =) a little bit pity to the other good guy though, because he really did everything right... and if I was her, there is a high possibility that I will choose the March guy than the playboy.... every girls like romantic guys but if I were to spend the rest of my life with someone, I think the guy that I know will treat me nice and love me forever is the guy I will go for...

Well... today I had a great day with L and I know a little more about him... and I want to know more too... I wonder if I am the only one who wants to know more though... fingers cross... but so far so good =)